2 posts from May 2008

What are you most sensitive about? 

I'm most sensitive when people doubt my intelligence. They can insult my looks, my height, my sense of style or lack thereof. But when it comes to my ability to think, to rationalise, to comprehend things, to be able to discern points in an argument, I'm less forgiving. I cannot take it if they think what I'm saying is ridiculous or not making sense.

I think it's because for me, human intelligence is the end-point of our evolution. It's what differentiates us essentially from the rest of the animals. We can think, we can rationalise, we can plan. Most animals, in comparison, are a little myopic when it comes to these. Whereas they perhaps think about when they're next meal is coming from, we humans have the ability to think way, way beyond even our human lifespan. Just go ask science fiction authors and the inventors who can anticipate what problems they may be facing, what relevance their contraptions would have for the future. And the great thing about being human is, not only can we look towards our own future, we can encompass others in that future and imagine their future too.

I'm not dismissing the other animals offhand. They have talents beyond what we can ever hope to achieve bioglogically - the sense of smell, the primal instinct and the innate instinct for survival (I mean, hey, you have to tell kids not to play on the roads, right?). So they are intelligent in their own special ways. We humans are intelligent in our own human way and that means the ability to reason, plan and anticipate outcomes.

So when others make deriding remarks about my intelligence, my ability to do those things, it's personal. They're saying I'm not human. Or am not fit to be one. That makes me mad. Because I see most of the human race as having that ability but not using it and I'm angry at those humans who choose not to buckle their children in safety harnesses in their cars but who choose to let them play with the steering wheel while on the lap of the driver. Idiots. I see many humans choose to make really inane decisions even when they have the ability to know where that is going to take them. Like drug abusers. Like people who choose to run with the wrong company. Like people who run governments and choose to make decisions that in the long run will cost even more misery. They can see what's going to happen, and they choose for whatever reasons (or excuses) to continue doing the same. And then there are those who choose to believe blindly in those who make the wrong decisions even though they are clearly wrong. (The sycophants and ass-kissers belong to another category of 'intelligent-but-immoral-and-definite-dickheads' but that's an issue for another day.)

So, an affront to my intelligence is as bad as equating me to these idiots. In fact, it may even be saying that I'm inferior because, hey, at least they have that faculty, right?

I know I'm intelligent. I know this. I can ace my exams if I'd really really tried (I didn't.). I probably could have made it to Harvard and the Ivy Leagues (but we do know they look for other things too) but I'm not interested. And this is not my ego or self-esteem speaking up. Nor is it a pathetic way of making me feel better about myself. All that self-help talk shit is a load of BS, if you ask me. You are what you are. No point thinking otherwise. I have my flaws but one thing I'm not is unintelligent. And you can tell if people around you "get it". I "get it". And I hate it when people think I don't. It just drives me batshit.

*whoa, that's a lot of ranting. I guess this question pressed a button, all right.

Do you believe in ghosts? If so, have you ever seen one?

I'm not sure what I believe. My impression of our human lives is that once we die, we wink out. To me, it's never been a question of if there's a soul or if there's a heaven. I'm not religious and I believe even if there is such a thing as a soul, it is basically an essence of life that should be returned to the earth to help other lifeforms grow. What I do believe is that some life-essences have residual feelings and intentions that have not been fulfilled in life, and we see these charged electrons as things that have "remembered" their physical shapes. They take the form of their previous physical shapes because that is what they can identify as their existence. And they are insubstantial because it does take a lot of electrons to power up such a image to the still-living. So, no, I don't believe in ghosts in the traditional definition that we take ghosts to be.

I've never seen a ghost. I've heard plenty, though. Mostly from friends, about friends' friends. I only remember two instances of someone close telling me about a ghost. My friend, W, says she used to live in a condominium and her dog would just sit and stare at a corner, barking away. This happened quite frequently. She's also told me that her husband once heard her telling him to sleep and the voice seemed to be right beside his ear. The thing is, she was already asleep. In another room. So those few instances gave her the heebie jeebies and they left that place.

With all the ghost movies abound, especially after America decided to take on the Asian brand of horror with the Ring and Ju-On remakes, I'd think that my imagination would be rife. But it's turned out not to be.

Sometimes, I imagine I hear a voice as I'm walking home late at night. I imagine there are rows of the disgruntled lining the sidewalk, waiting for someone to recognise them, to hear their pleas for vengeance, or closure. Then I hurriedly tell myself that it's just me being silly, lower my head and walk swiftly past. Some places do feel 'funny' though. I get the strange sensation of being watched, or that the place is 'unclean'.

I have never seen a ghost, and I don't want to. Not even to satisfy my curiosity. I think they would look like their original bodies, but I'm afraid I'll see something that mimics their state of decomposition.