Reason and Rain

QotD:

Why do you blog?
Submitted by littleduckling.

I started blogging as a way to have a diary without running the risk that my parents may find it, rummaging through my drawers. I started blogging since (I think) 1998 because I felt that online, my identity and my journal was less at risk of being exposed. You could always use pseudonyms, though I didn't. I didn't because I didn't think my parents would be web savvy enough then to know about blogs and how to search for one.

Now, I don't use a pseudonym either because I think I'm comfortable enough with my thoughts to not mind my parents knowing what I'm thinking. My thoughts are part of me, and I've come to accept them.

Now, I also blog because I have opinions that I don't think people will have the time to sit down with me to listen to. Everybody's so busy with the Internet these days. I think it's sad that the Internet has eaten up our face-to-face interaction time. When was the last time you talked about anything really really deep with friends in person? But it's all right. The way I figure, friends can still get to know how I've grown as a person online when they are free. And I can share my thoughts when I am free. We can play catch up this way, even though our free times don't coincide and we hardly hang out anymore.

I still don't blog my deepest darkest secrets online, of course. Those, I leave in the recesses of my mind.

QotD:

If you had to write your autobiography in 6 words, what would you write?
Submitted by mitzie.

I think the person who came up with this might have been thinking of Caesar's "Veni, Veci, Vedi", better known to us degenerate lot as "I came, I saw, I conquered". I'm feeling a little game tonight, so I'm going to try to put down my own little 6-word autobiography (and allow for it to be used on my tombstone) and reduce it gradually from 6 words to 1.

"Lived life with eyes wide open."
This is my 6-word one. I refused to be hoodwinked or to have any wool or anything else pulled over my eyes to obscure the truth from me. Ask me if I'll take the blue pill or the red pill and see how far down the rabbit hole goes.

"I made good my word."
is my 5-word one. I hope that I'll be able to stick to my principles and my guns even in the face of great temptation and difficulty.

"At least I tried."
This is my 4-word one just in case they run out of space on my miserable tombstone. I don't even think I'll have one actually. People should appreciate people for the effort they put in, and not only for the achievements they attained.

"I don't care."
This special 3-word treat is reserved for people who don't try, who give excuses for not doing anything to alleviate their own suffering, for their otherwise unproductive behaviour and for digging their own graves. I don't care about your pathetic excuses or your pathetic circumstances. You're unhappy about something, just do something about it instead of whine and moan. You're just not worth my time.

"I loved."
This is so important. I think this is so super important, it's the most important thing in the world. Did I mention it's super ultra duper important. You haven't lived if you haven't loved.

"Next!"
This, I think, will be on my budget tombstone because I'll be so curious about what happens next. "Why" comes as a really close contender because I think it's my all-time favourite word, a word that sums me up. I'm curious. I can't help it.

My, I am in a peachy mood today! :)

What could we do to create a world with less violence?

I don't think we can. Is that sad?

What are you most sensitive about? 

I'm most sensitive when people doubt my intelligence. They can insult my looks, my height, my sense of style or lack thereof. But when it comes to my ability to think, to rationalise, to comprehend things, to be able to discern points in an argument, I'm less forgiving. I cannot take it if they think what I'm saying is ridiculous or not making sense.

I think it's because for me, human intelligence is the end-point of our evolution. It's what differentiates us essentially from the rest of the animals. We can think, we can rationalise, we can plan. Most animals, in comparison, are a little myopic when it comes to these. Whereas they perhaps think about when they're next meal is coming from, we humans have the ability to think way, way beyond even our human lifespan. Just go ask science fiction authors and the inventors who can anticipate what problems they may be facing, what relevance their contraptions would have for the future. And the great thing about being human is, not only can we look towards our own future, we can encompass others in that future and imagine their future too.

I'm not dismissing the other animals offhand. They have talents beyond what we can ever hope to achieve bioglogically - the sense of smell, the primal instinct and the innate instinct for survival (I mean, hey, you have to tell kids not to play on the roads, right?). So they are intelligent in their own special ways. We humans are intelligent in our own human way and that means the ability to reason, plan and anticipate outcomes.

So when others make deriding remarks about my intelligence, my ability to do those things, it's personal. They're saying I'm not human. Or am not fit to be one. That makes me mad. Because I see most of the human race as having that ability but not using it and I'm angry at those humans who choose not to buckle their children in safety harnesses in their cars but who choose to let them play with the steering wheel while on the lap of the driver. Idiots. I see many humans choose to make really inane decisions even when they have the ability to know where that is going to take them. Like drug abusers. Like people who choose to run with the wrong company. Like people who run governments and choose to make decisions that in the long run will cost even more misery. They can see what's going to happen, and they choose for whatever reasons (or excuses) to continue doing the same. And then there are those who choose to believe blindly in those who make the wrong decisions even though they are clearly wrong. (The sycophants and ass-kissers belong to another category of 'intelligent-but-immoral-and-definite-dickheads' but that's an issue for another day.)

So, an affront to my intelligence is as bad as equating me to these idiots. In fact, it may even be saying that I'm inferior because, hey, at least they have that faculty, right?

I know I'm intelligent. I know this. I can ace my exams if I'd really really tried (I didn't.). I probably could have made it to Harvard and the Ivy Leagues (but we do know they look for other things too) but I'm not interested. And this is not my ego or self-esteem speaking up. Nor is it a pathetic way of making me feel better about myself. All that self-help talk shit is a load of BS, if you ask me. You are what you are. No point thinking otherwise. I have my flaws but one thing I'm not is unintelligent. And you can tell if people around you "get it". I "get it". And I hate it when people think I don't. It just drives me batshit.

*whoa, that's a lot of ranting. I guess this question pressed a button, all right.

Do you believe in ghosts? If so, have you ever seen one?

I'm not sure what I believe. My impression of our human lives is that once we die, we wink out. To me, it's never been a question of if there's a soul or if there's a heaven. I'm not religious and I believe even if there is such a thing as a soul, it is basically an essence of life that should be returned to the earth to help other lifeforms grow. What I do believe is that some life-essences have residual feelings and intentions that have not been fulfilled in life, and we see these charged electrons as things that have "remembered" their physical shapes. They take the form of their previous physical shapes because that is what they can identify as their existence. And they are insubstantial because it does take a lot of electrons to power up such a image to the still-living. So, no, I don't believe in ghosts in the traditional definition that we take ghosts to be.

I've never seen a ghost. I've heard plenty, though. Mostly from friends, about friends' friends. I only remember two instances of someone close telling me about a ghost. My friend, W, says she used to live in a condominium and her dog would just sit and stare at a corner, barking away. This happened quite frequently. She's also told me that her husband once heard her telling him to sleep and the voice seemed to be right beside his ear. The thing is, she was already asleep. In another room. So those few instances gave her the heebie jeebies and they left that place.

With all the ghost movies abound, especially after America decided to take on the Asian brand of horror with the Ring and Ju-On remakes, I'd think that my imagination would be rife. But it's turned out not to be.

Sometimes, I imagine I hear a voice as I'm walking home late at night. I imagine there are rows of the disgruntled lining the sidewalk, waiting for someone to recognise them, to hear their pleas for vengeance, or closure. Then I hurriedly tell myself that it's just me being silly, lower my head and walk swiftly past. Some places do feel 'funny' though. I get the strange sensation of being watched, or that the place is 'unclean'.

I have never seen a ghost, and I don't want to. Not even to satisfy my curiosity. I think they would look like their original bodies, but I'm afraid I'll see something that mimics their state of decomposition.

What's your favorite thing about being sick?

My favourite thing about being sick is just about anyone's I think - I don't have to get up early.

Ok, so I don't have to get up early anyway. My work day starts at 3 usually, since I teach in an enrichment school and the kids don't come in until after their regular schoolday. But I sleep at about 6. So I still have about the same number of hours of sleep as most regular people. My schedule is a little wonky, that's all. When I fall ill, I get to sleep in. And I mean, really sleep in. I don't have to feel like I have to wake up at a certain time. I'll wake up when I feel like it.

Plus, it's a perfectly legitimate excuse not to do anything but slack around like a, well, a slacker. That is a joy that's just beyond comparison. People seem to need to do things in a rush, keep every hour occupied because if not, it's like a great big sin or something. This obsession with keeping time just isn't working for me. I hate it. I just want to skive. Why can't we just learn to enjoy life 'as is'?

What sites show up if you type "S" into your browser's address bar?

I have three sites that turn up.

http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula

This is a site I thought was an interesting read. Its title is

"Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal"

which I thought contains a rather interesting concept. I think I stumbled onto this site from one of my distant forays into lurking in forums of supposedly intellectual discussion.

Which brings me to my next site -

http://sciforums.com/

- which has lots of people (allegedly of the higher-brain sort) discussing a myriad of topics ranging from philosophy (my favourite!) to religion to pseudoscience. I am somewhat impressed by what some of these people have the time to come up with. :) I like to read these stuff because they do open up my mind to possibilities, even if i can never prove them.

The last site is this:

http://shaw.com.sg/

where I go to see if there're any available movie tickets for me to book to watch at my local cinema. I love watching movies. I think when I visited this site, I was looking to watch Zodiac. Then I found out that it's 3 hours long and friends and colleagues have told me that it's really slow. Usually, I would jump at any opportunity to watch movies on serial murderers (not that I am perverse in any way - they're just fascinating to psychoanalyse) but I'm rather hesitant about spending these particular 3 hours.

What are your plans for the weekend?

I have no plans for the weekend. I seldom do. Perhaps it's because I work 4 days a week, and even then, it's every two days, so weekends aren't particularly special to me. I suppose if I had kids then we'd make plans, my husband and I, since school's out on weekends. But we don't. Not yet anyway.

In a way, I miss the feeling of looking forward to something, even if it's a weekend. But in Singapore, there's only so much we can do. Watch a movie, have more delectable cuisine, hand out with some friends. I wouldn't call them 'plans' though. They're just things we do. Nothing very special since most days, we're doing the same.

I do want to make plans to resume our inline skating 'expeditions' though, especially since the weather is back to normal. Kind of. It's sunnier at least and that means I can begin to exercise, by which I mean go skating.

Later tonight, in about 40 minutes' time actually, I'm going to watch 'Next', you know, the Nicolas Cage one. I hope it's good. One thing good about Singapore, though, is that plans aren't really necessary when locations are mostly a half-an-hour's drive away :)

If you could have three wishes from a genie, what would they be? 
Submitted by tatteredhalo.

My first wish would be for health for the people I love. I can't stand having my loved ones suffer. And I doubt I can handle it if they die :( Plus if they're healthy, they'll live life more :)
My second wish would be for happiness but doesn't everyone wish this? But more so than happiness, I think what I'm really wishing for is self-contentment, and with that, a peace of mind, that I don't have to feel I need to do better, earn more, be some CEO or something for people to respect/love me, or for them to think I'm deserving of love.
My third wish would be for people to just wake up, smell the slime that has invaded our lives and see what's really important in life, rather than to be so focused on self-gain and profiteering at others' expense.

I'm blogging again. And this, after a long hiatus. I haven't really completely stopped, but then again, I haven't really completely got it on either. Not after Misha died, I suppose. I hope this marks the start of me writing again.